MR. WOODY LYRICS
LITTLE FRIENDS, 1996
COMIN' FOR YOU, 2000
| Psycho Women
Where Were You Last Night?
Why Didn’t You Call? Are You Mad At Me?
Are You Listening To Me? Hello!!
(Chorus)
Nag, Nag, Nag, Nag Nag, Nag, Nag, Nag
Do You Love Me?
Do You Love Me?
[Repeat Four Times]
Do You Think I’m Fat?
Does This Make My Butt Look Big?
Are You Going To Wear That?
I’ll Just Wait In The Car...
I Don’t Like Your Friend
You Drink Too Much
I Wish You Would Just Grow Up!
What? I Don’t Owe You Any Money!
(Chorus)
Please Hold Me
No! Not, You Know, Touch Me!
Not Now! I’m On The Rag
Get That Thing Out Of My Face! You Are Soooo
Gross!
Ok.., Ok.., Hurry Up...
Is It In? Slow Down!
Are You Done Yet?
(Chorus)
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| Mr. Woody
I Have This Roommate
Some Girls Say He’s Kind Of Cute, But I
Don’t Know...
He Doesn’t Pay Any Rent
But He Doesn’t Eat Much Either, So It’s
Ok I Guess...
Hey, He’s Handy To Have Around
I Let Him Do Most Of The Thinking, Actually
I’m Kind Of Attached To Him
But He Can Really Be A Pest Sometimes
He Mostly Leaves Me Alone
When I’m At Work
But In The Evenings, And On The Weekends,
It’s All, “Me, Me, Me”
And No Matter How Late He Was Out,
How Many Girls He Kissed,
Or Even If He Threw Up A Couple Of Times,
In The Morning, He’s Always Up First!
My Friend, Mr. Woody
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| Biff
When I Was In College
I’d Come Home To Do Laundry
Still Do
We Were Bored
We Bought This Car Named Biff
She Was A Beauty
We Took Her Top Off
We Got Drunk
We Beat Her Up Pretty Good
We Took Her Picture
And Painted Her Up
We Showed Her Off
To All Of Our Friends
She Broke Down
On The Side Of The Road
So, Hey, We Just Left Her There To Die
One Of My Friends Said To Me,
“Hey, That’s Not Cool, She Was Nice.”
I Said, “Hey Man, This Is America.
If You Pay For Something,
You Can Do Anything You Want To It.”
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| Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota
Look At You, You Are Nowhere. You Are Boring
And Slow. You’ve Got Like Water Everywhere And Lots Of Annoying Happy Animals.
I Can’t Stand Being Around You People. You’re So Content It Makes Me Sick!
When Are You Going To Wise Up And Get Cynical And Go Out And Get Guns And
Put Bars On Your Windows And Stop Talking To Strangers And Cuss At Everyone
From Your Driver’s Seat And Snort Lots Of Coke And Dress Up In Really Stupid
Clothes Just Because Idiots On Melrose Place Wear The Shit And Wonder If
The Guy Next To You Who Asks For Some Change Will Pull Out A Knife And
Cut You Man If You Don’t Give Him Any Money And Try To Figure Out If Your
Girlfriend Stays So Thin By Vomiting Or Shooting Up?
What Is Wrong With You People?
Minnesota
Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota
Don’t You Want To Be Warm?
Come Out Here And Be One Of Us....
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| Ump
When I Go Skiing
I Like To Jump
Look At The Camel
He Has A Hump
I Date A Girl
I Will Soon Dump
In My Pants
I Get A Lump
I Ran Over A Cat
And It Went, “Thump”
When I Was A Kid
I Had The Mumps
From A Cow
I Eat The Rump
In The Morning
I Am A Grump
When I Go To The Bathroom
I Take A Dump
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| Mark
Flannelman
Condom-Man
Swamp Thing
The Fountain
What Are You Doing, Man?
Mark, You Are Married, You Own A House,
Make Good Money And Want To Settle Down. What Is The Story With This Psycho/Nerd/Geek
Who You Allow To Run Your House For Only Two Hundred And Fifty Dollars
A Month?
What Are You Doing, Man?
The Heating Bill Alone Has To Be That Much
Since The Idiot Has To Keep The Windows Open Because He’s Claustrophobic.
He Eats All Your Food, He Drums Late At Night So You Have To Sleep In Earplugs,
And He Has To Crawl Through His Hatch Just To Get In His Car Because His
Doors Don’t Open.
What Are You Doing, Man?
Now, He’s Bothered By Vibrations, So He
Mounted His Bed On Pillows And Took Down All The Antennas In The House.
Now You Have To Put On Headphones And Pretend You’re Not Watching T.V.
So You Don’t Scare Him?
One Day, He’s Going To Get A Gun And Kill
You Man.
And Then It Won’t Be Funny Anymore...
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Pool of Spittle
(Chorus)
I Go To Sleep And I Start To Drool
Before I Know It, I’ve Made A Pool
I Wake Up Screaming And I Can’t Believe
It
I’m Face Down In A Puddle Of My Spit
It’s Running Down To The Floor
Down The Hall And Out The Door
Across The Street To Flood The City
It’s Really Gross And Really Shitty
It’s Caused Disaster Across The Land
No Way To Stop My Infected Gland
They Called The Guard To Try To Nuke Us
Nothing Can Kill The Sea Of Mucous
(Chorus)
In The Middle...A Pool Of Spittle
In The Middle...A Pool Of Spittle
In The Middle...A Pool Of Spittle
In The Middle...A Pool Of Spittle
It Even Stopped Freddie Krueger
He’s Trapped Inside My Giant Booger
They Sent The Army--Hundreds Of Them
Even They Can’t Stop My Wall Of Phlegm
I Wiped My Nose And I Walked Away
I’ve Done Enough Damage For One Day
Coming Soon To A Town Near You
A Tidal Wave Of Infected Goo
(Chorus)
In The Middle...A Pool Of Spittle
In The Middle...A Pool Of Spittle
In The Middle...A Pool Of Spittle
In The Middle...A Pool Of Spittle
I’m Almost Done With This Section
Now Let Me Tell You ‘Bout My Bladder Infection
Hold On Now--Wait And See
I’ve Got To Take This Giant Pee!
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| The Snackin'
King
Junk Food
Is On My Mind
Cookies And Chips
Is What I Find
Leftovers
Are Really Neat
Day Old Pizza
Just Can’t Be Beat
(Chorus)
Don’t Want No Lowfat Cottage Cheese
Don’t Want No Goddamned Frozen Peas
Don’t Want No Bullshit Diet Soda
I’m Gonna Eat ‘Til I Exploda
The Snackin’ King
The Snackin’ King
The Snackin’ King
The Snackin’ King
Go Down
To The Quicky Mart
Throw Some Stuff
Into My Cart
Don’t Need That Fancy Crap
It’s Gotta Taste Good
Easy To Unwrap
(Chorus)
Happy Hour
Is What I Live For
Gotta Stuff My Face
Head Out The Door
Junk Food
Is What I Crave
They’ll Find Crumbs
In My Grave
(Chorus)
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| Talking to Me?
Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates
We Are The Knights Who Say, “Ni!”
Say “Hello” To My Little Friend
Norman, She’s A Whore!
Lucy, Just Give Me Chance To ‘Splain!
Get Out
Badges? We Don’t Need No Stinking Badges!
I’ll Be Back
(Chorus)
You Think It’s Funny
But It’s Not
You Say The Same Damn Things A Lot
Who Is That You’re Imitating?
Get A Life---Stop Masturbating
You’re Just A Fool
A Wanna-Be
Fuck Off And Stop Bothering Me
It’s Just A Movie, Baby
It’s Not Real
Tell Us How You Really Feel
I’m Your Father, Luke
Spock, What’s Happened To The Ship?
Bam, Zoom, Straight To The Moon, Alice!
Feel Lucky Punk? Do Ya?
D’oooh Gilligan Little Buddy
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha
Stella
Hasta La Vista, Baby
(Chorus)
What Is It, Man!
I Ain’t Gonna Hit Ya---Like Hell I Ain’t
I Love The Smell Of Napalm In The Morning
Frankly My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn
It’s Just A Flesh Wound!
Yo, Adrian
Excellent....D’oh!
Are You Talking To Me?
Are You Talking To Me?
(Chorus)
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| Lottery
Pretty Soon My Life Will Be Great
Everything Will Be Perfect--Just You Wait
Be One Big Party Baby All Day Long
The Kind Of Life Where Nothing Can Go Wrong
Champagne Hot Tubs At Sunset
Live Every Day With No Regrets
How’m I Going To Do This? Wait And See
I’m Going To Win The Lottery
(Chorus)
Lottery Lottery
Lottery Lottery
In The Morning At Work I’ll Tell
My Stupid Boss To Go Straight To Hell
“Shove This Job Where The Sun Don’t Shine!”
I’ve Waited Nine Long Years To Say That
Line
Weekends Will Be No Problem For Me
We’ll Watch Football On The Big Screen T.V.
Send My Limousine To Bring You Here
And Best Of All: Free Pizza Free Beer!
(Chorus)
Let Me Tell You What Else Will Be Cool
Bikini Babes Hanging By The Pool
I’ll Make Love Morning, Noon, And Night
Then We’ll Plan The Wedding....Yeah, Right!
Fly Van Halen In To Celebrate
Kiss’ll Be There Too, So Don’t Be Late
A Five Course Banquet Each And Every Meal
It’s The Kind Of Life That You Do What You
Feel
(Chorus)
In My Mansion Down By The Coast
Come By And See Me--I’ll Be Your Host
Take My Ferrari Baby For A Ride
To My Cabin In The Countryside
Hop On My Jet To Hawaii
Had Enough Of This Place--Next Stop: Fiji
Live In The Lap Of Luxury
All Because I Won The Lottery
(Chorus)
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| Big Screen TV
I woke up one morning and I took a pee
My bladder and my life were so empty
It seemed a dull existence was my destiny
Until the day I brought home a Big Screen
TV
(Chorus)
Big Screen TV
Big Screen TV – a Mitsubishi!!
Big Screen TV – thank you Mr. Visa for my
Big Screen TV
She stands six foot two on the living room
wall
All the greatest movies, yeah, but that’s
not all
Hockey, Golf, Bowling, Soccer, and Baseball
Rent a bunch of pornos: give my buddies
a call
To see my
Big Screen TV
Big Screen TV – come on over see my
Big Screen TV – I saw your sister on the
Big Screen TV
Satellite dish – recliner chair
I called in sick again ‘cause I just don’t
care
No clean clothes and unwashed hair
I lay around all day in my underwear
watching
Big Screen TV
Big Screen TV – I quit my job to watch
Big Screen TV – I dumped my girlfriend for
my
Big Screen TV
(Guitar Solo)
Pepperoni pizza, Chinese, Beer and T.P.
Give a call and tip them for delivery
Big Screen TV
Big Screen TV – I bought some flowers for
my
Big Screen TV – I made a doily for the
Big Screen TV
Big Screen TV – Where’s the remote?
Big Screen TV – Thank God for my
Big Screen TV – BOW DOWN TO THE
BIG SCREEN TV!!
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| Fire in the Sky
It’s getting dark
In the trailer park
A Beam of Light
Shining Bright
Communication
With the Alien Nation?
Alone in a field
Your fate is sealed
They’re Comin’ to get ya
They’re Comin’ to get ya
Fire in the Sky
Giant Heads
And Big Black Eyes
They’ll probe your brain
You’ll go insane
They’ll think it’s a lie
They’ll think you’re high
Don’t ask why Call the F.B.I.
The Government Man
He’s got a plan
Scully and Molder
Got your name in a folder
If you tell
You will die
It’s a conspiracy
You’re an abductee!
..........or not.........
Alien sperm?
It’s a 9 month term...
The story you make
It’s just a fake
No need to ask
That’s just a mask
Can’t you see?
That’s a frisbee!
You stupid sap
It’s a bunch of crap
You simple folks
It’s just a hoax
Where’s your proof?
Ya fuckin’ goof...
You stupid jerk
Go back to work
They’re Comin’ to get ya
They’re Comin’ to get ya
Fire in the Sky
Yeah....Right, Cowboy
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Mannequin
Woman
I saw her standing there
Looking cool
So I walked up
Like a fool
I said “Hello”
She just stared
But she was pretty
I didn’t care
I grabbed her butt
It was smooth
She didn’t argue
She didn’t move!
Eyes of green
Hair of black
A metal bar
Up her back?
She was a mannequin woman
She was a mannequin woman
I looked around
We were alone
So I thought
I’d take her home!
I picked her up
Under my arm
But then the guard
Pulled the Alarm!
We made a break
For the door
I got her home
From the store
But now I know
She’s a fake
She doesn’t clean
She doesn’t bake
She’s just a mannequin woman
She’s a mannequin woman
Mannequin Woman
Get away from me
Mannequin Woman
Let me be
Don’t want your termites around no more
Gonna take you back to the store
Woman – get away from me
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| Road Kill Vendor
Getcha Red Hot Lizards
Two For A Buck
If You Want A Hot Dog
You’re Out of Luck
Getcha Squirrel Guts
With Mustard And Mayo
Getcha Bloated Possum
Without A Tail
Headless Dog
And Flattened Crow
You Want A Snack
You Know Where To Go
I Don’t Sell Pepsi,
Coke, Or Beer
But I Got A
Maggot Shake Here
(Chorus)
Road Kill Vendor...He’s The One
Bloody Chipmunk In A Hotdog Bun
Road Kill Vendor...He’s The One
Uses His Car...Not A Gun
I Find Your Food
On The Side Of The Road
Hey, What’s That,
A Sun-Dried Toad?
I Get My Supplies
At Very Low Cost
It Pays To Recycle
When Lives Are Lost
Driving Along,
Smell A Skunk
Swerve To The Right
He’s In My Trunk
Splat! Goes A Cat
Under My Wheels
Run Over It Again
If It Squeals
(Chorus)
When You’re At The Game
And Need Something Quick
Gimme A Holler,
I Got Tongue On A Stick
Team’s Doin’ Lousy,
Don’t You Fret
Here’s A Crunchy Treat
That Was Somebody’s Pet
Ever Been Hungry
At The 7th Inning Stretch
I’ve Got Something
That’ll Make You Wretch
Sales May Be Slow
In This Section
But I’ll Be Back Tomorrow With A
Bigger Selection
(Chorus)
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| Rental Man
Early in the mornin’
Go to get the paper
Lookin’ through the classifieds
Need a new refrigerator
There’s no need to buy anything
Don’t be one of those fools
Listen up to what I say
The rental plan RULES!
(Chorus)
I don’t own my car
I don’t own my house
Ain’t got any credit
My girl thinks I’m a louse
Ain’t got a job
My friends think I’m mental
Spilled beer on the couch
What the fuck, it’s a rental!
Found out that my lease is up
Got nowhere to stay
Wanna rent that plane over there
And fly to Bombay
You never know what you’ll get
When you’re renting a life
Gonna get my checkbook now
And rent me a wife!
(Chorus)
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| Newspaper
Boy
You Hear A Knock
It’s 8 O’clock
Stroll To The Door
In Your Drawers
Its The Newspaper Boy
Collecting For The Paper, Sir
You Owe Quite A Bit, I Am Sure
It’s Been 10 Weeks Since You’ve Paid
Too Many Exceptions Have Been Made
Tell Him A Lie
And Say “Good Bye”
“I Have No Cash”
Then Slam, And Laugh At The
Newspaper Boy
You Cannot Stay
When It’s Time To Pay
Head For The Hills
When He’s Got The Bill
He Comes In The Night
Looking For A Fight
He Comes In The Day
He Won’t Go Away
Come Out From The Bar
He’s Sitting On Your Car
Go Out To The Store
He’s Waiting By The Door
Where Will You Go
That He Won’t Know?
What Will You Do
When He Comes For You?
Trapped In Your House
Frightened As A Mouse
He’s On The Porch
Is That A Torch?
He Rings The Bell
“You’re In There, I Can Tell”
He’s Out There Still
FIRE AT WILL
Dead Newspaper Boy
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Aunt Flo
So you think you are well matched
Beware, there are strings attached
And you want to move in with her
Let me tell you what will happen, sir
Every month she'll have a guest
She'll be upset, you'll get no rest
Here is something you should know
There's no escape from her Aunt Flo
Sense a change, but it's too late
Four days of hell will be your fate
Aunt Flo is coming for you
There is nothing you can do
You will cringe when she starts to nag
That's when you'll know she's on the rag
She's like Jekyl and Mr. Hyde
You're in for a bumpy ride
Don't try to make her see the light
Just stay hidden - out of sight
See if you can time it right
Make plans with the guys tonight!
Sense a change, but it's too late
Four days of hell will be your fate
Aunt Flo is coming for you
There is nothing you can do...Crimson Tide
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